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THE PASTORS DAUGHTER….
“……..It is hard to remember her face without a smile or giggle mostly a loud hilarious laughter, Olga thought she even smiled when she was sleeping and yes she did. On her dead bed before her final breath she had smiled at her parents in between tears had murmured “I am scared but not for me but you, I am tired and it’s my time to rest before I visit another world but I cannot go because I am scared not for me but you, I know you think am strong and fearless but it’s not true I am human and like you both I get scared, I get hurt, I have bad and good days too. But I look at the world and I see black and white there is always two side to everything and the best part we get to choose what to feel. I choose courage when most choose fear, I choose to try when others skip out, I choose to laugh when most choose tears, I choose to live free like a human and make mistakes while most choose to be programmed like robots to fit in a system that requires perfection. The truth is its just black or white and I made choices some were not wise but I don’t regret because they were my choice. When the doctor told you I was sick you dint seem much surprised and it didn’t surprise me too but your reaction hurt me. None of you has ever asked how I got this disease you all avoided the topic like leprosy. It hurt me that you didn’t give me a chance to explain myself or share my side of the story but instead you believed in the other side of the story that portrayed me as an indecent loss girl. You have been ashamed of me all this five years but I choose to forgive you before instead of holding a grudge after all didn’t I tell you that life is black and white. I need you to listen carefully and I hope this will give you piece of mind at last and you don’t have to sign the divorce papers because you are going to need each other now more than ever. Remember the church camp meeting that took place at Rusinga Island five years ago? I had just turned thirteen. Something bad happened the last night at the camp before we came back. That night I had choose to stay awake and go for a last walk not so far from the campsite just a mile away and climb this short cliff. I wanted to see the beautiful sun rise against the great Lake Victoria and take pictures. I took my sleeping bag and a few items I needed and left for the cliff after dinner. I felt it was wise to inform the Mrs. Mackintosh the pastor’s wife in case of an emergency but getting to their tent I only found the pastor. He told me it was okay to go as the area was well protected and it was only a few meters from the site, furthermore he promised to send someone to check up on me from time to time. I set for the cliff and made camp. I could see our campsite at the bottom the bonfire was still blazing hot. Everything was okay until a few hours later when pastor mackintosh or pastor mac as we are used to calling him appeared. I thought it was a routine check but he prolonged his stay. I choose to trust him and he took advantage of me the entire night, on that cliff I lost my childhood. When I awoke from the torture he was already gone. It was a few hours before dawn and the sky was milky. I looked down and I was cleaned up but that shampoo was not mine. Mum, you say I see the beauty in everything even the ugliest situation? That morning my eyes failed me for I looked at myself and I saw ugliness. I have never seen an ugly sunrise like that morning.” She had broken down fiercely at that point holding tightly to her parents hands. “I was a kid I didn’t know who to tell and who would believe me nothing seemed wrong apart from the pain inside me. I was embarrassed and I lost I didn’t know what to do. When we came back I wanted to tell you but every time I tried you brushed me off you were either busy with my brothers or attending to something. The night I made up my mind to talk about it to you dad at the dinner table, you brought up Bridget’s story. The way you both judged her for the changes she had made on herself her new way of dressing and the kind of group she was hanging with you even made fun of her and laughed, that made me choose to never tell you. What you didn’t know is that pastor mac had raped Bridget too one evening after children’s choir practice when her mum had been late to pick her up. In fact that horrible night at the cliff she had bumped into the pastor on top of me and had witnessed half of the act she was the one who cleaned me up while I was passed out after the monster panicked and left me, the sweet shampoo was hers. Everyone judges her for influencing me on leaving our church and going to heaven’s gate church but I need you to know it was my decision. That night I choose not to dwell on self-pity but live again, I choose not to abandon my faith and Lord but to seek him in a different place where I felt safe. Bridget and I have never been with any other man apart from the monster who stole our pride. That could only mean one thing he is the one who infected us with HIV/AIDS. Dad I know you’re having an affair with Mrs. Mackintosh I think you should get tested. I was young then I didn’t know about the disease so Bridget and I just took birth control pills we took from mum’s drug shelf and thought we were safe but I guess we were wrong. That was the reason we fought to omit him on any other children programs, now I know the children are safer in the camps and that gives me peace. It is important that you know it wasn’t anyone’s fault bad things happen for no reason just as good things do. I have made peace with my destiny and I forgive even the monster. I have no regrets even if my life was cut short for I lived to the fullest each second and it’s okay for id rather live eighteen happy years than fifty sad ones. I love you today like I did as a toddler, I want you to smile at life no matter what comes there’s always something good.” With this she took her last breath her tiny hands in her parents hands her face stained with tears but her smile still their fading slowly as life escaped her beautiful body, maybe she was too good for this world. Tears were rolling down Olga’s face, Graces mum had suddenly stopped talking, Cleo jumped out of his seat and ran to his wife, kneeling on the floor, and he held her tightly and kissed her fore head severally fighting back his own tears that balance on his eyes. Olga rose up after a while and excused herself from the room. Grace’s mother apologized before leaving she felt guilty of bringing up the stories that reminded Olga of her loss. Although they knew the pastor’s family had lost their older daughter just a few knew the real story……..”
How many more silenced young voices? how many more untold nightmares taken to the grave? how many more stolen dreams and livelihood will it take to protect to act? Rape is real! @inkedtears.
Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton
